I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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