Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize