Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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