its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
