good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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