Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
