Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
