well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize