Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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