The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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