WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
