Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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