i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
