Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
