This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
