I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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