i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
