FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
