He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
