I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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