i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
