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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...

  (971): View more from Oregon

  it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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• (682): View more from Texas

  I plan on gettn treatment center drunk

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i hope they name him Joffrey

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss

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