he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
