I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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