he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dick has a subreddit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
