i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
