it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
