apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me I should be a condom model.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
