You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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