i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
