Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
