I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
