so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
