Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
