you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize