if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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