So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
