Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
