Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
