So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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