the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize