Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
