Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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