Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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