I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
