i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
