I love having hate sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
