I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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