I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
