yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
