Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
