my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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