Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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