What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
