I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize