Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
