When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
