tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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