is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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