What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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