If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
