That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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