My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
