things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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