im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
