I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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