True but thats because hes a fetus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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