he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
