I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
