When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
