this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
