he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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