I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
