I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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